One big conversation I’ve noticed a lot of sites having as of late is about all of the different games people play when it comes to dating. For most of March and April, one article or another was talking about “ghosting” (abruptly ceasing communication) while others established “haunting.” (That is being stalked online by an ex or someone you curved.) But what would be the proper term for someone who gets your hopes up with their excitement over a date but takes a while to actually call and make plans? Let’s go with “playing.”
At least, that’s how one TV personality would describe it. On her IG live, she told a story about a guy who she’d met and had chemistry with wanting to take her out on a date. He talked a good game about wanting to check out the livest spots with her, try new things, and she was excited. So they exchanged information and he told her he’d definitely call to make plans.
He didn’t call, but he did text — a week later. By the time he called, she was no longer interested. You see, to her, it felt like this individual was all talk and no action. He attempted to get her hyped up by appearing to be interested in doing more than just wining and dining her. But when the opportunity came to actually make plans and set them in motion, he took his sweet time and assumed she had all of it in the world.
His excuse was that it had been a very busy work week for him, but she wasn’t feeling it. She was just muf-ggin’ tired. She, like many women, had wasted time in the past on men who said one thing but would do another, and at a certain point, decided she wasn’t going to entertain games. As the meme she found and shared on Instagram after the fact put it, “Real women don’t get excited about text messages and promises. They want a man who makes phone calls and plans.”
Say that.
When I talked about this with friends recently, one of my girlfriend’s could totally understand where the aforementioned woman was coming from. But the other, well, she brought up a good point: “So this was all for a first date?” she asked. When her question was answered she replied, “A week is not really a long time to not hear from someone about first date plans. I think her reaction is a bit exaggerated.”
I’ll always be team #dontwastehertime2017, but I have to agree with my homegirl. I do think there is something corny about a guy who talks, a lot, about the plans he would like to make with you, but either can’t pick up the phone or expects you to do all of the heavy lifting. However, I do think we also need to know that in the earliest stages of dating, we can’t expect relationship behaviors from individuals we are just getting to know. As a saying I love goes, “Stop breaking your own heart by exaggerating your place in other people’s lives.” Sure, our heroine’s heart wasn’t broken. Her expectations of this guy were just high based on his own mouth and in no time flat, he’d already started disappointing her.
However, just because he said he was excited didn’t mean that his excitement was fake, or would go null and void, if he didn’t reach out in two to three days as opposed to seven. Maybe he didn’t want to just come (a.k.a., the old “Hi. wyd?” hat trick), if he couldn’t come correct. Or maybe the man really was busy.
After a date, or a few dates, by all means, act a fool if you haven’t heard from him in a week. But as people going into things as two very separate individuals getting to know one another, I would say keep your standards high, but lower your expectations about how things will and should play out just a few notches…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? If a guy says he’s excited to take you out for a first date and has a whole host of ideas for it but waits a while to actually reach out to you to plan something, is he playing games? Or is it petty to be upset about it?
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