At this stage of life, most of us are dating for life partners, not just a “good time.” And for many, a life partner means a husband. But sometimes it doesn’t take a breakup or even a huge relationship issue (like cheating or a miscarriage of trust) to tell you the person you’re with isn’t “the one.” If you just think about the day-to-day conversations you have with your partner or even the things you both say when you discuss the possibility of a future, you might come to the conclusion that the likelihood of a marriage working out between the two of you is slim. It’s not a realization any woman wants to come to about the man she’s in love with, but the sooner you realize these incompatabilities, the closer you’ll be to finding the person you really could spend your life with.
You have fundamentally different ideas about marriage
He sees it as a piece of paper, you see it as a symbol of a higher commitment to one another. He’s already made it clear he will never walk down the aisle, you’ll likely never be okay throwing away your dream of being someone’s wife. If neither one of you is willing to bend on this, you should probably be willing to break the bond of your relationship.
You’re two years in and don’t know if you would marry him
There’s a difference between not quite being ready to marry someone and being unsure whether you would marry them at all. Unless you two have been living apart for some time, you should have a pretty good idea of whether you could see yourself with someone for the longhaul after two years. If whatever’s giving you apprehension is a character flaw as opposed to something circumstantial, it’s likely not going to change after all this time.
You can’t decide on children
You know you want to marry each other, but he doesn’t want children and you have a gut feeling that tells you you’ll regret not being a mother. You may think your indecisiveness on the matter makes going forward together worth it, but if he’s adamant about not being a dad, he’ll resent you for making him be the bad guy later in life when he tells you he hasn’t changed his mind and you have. And you’ll resent him for taking away your hopes of motherhood.
Your gender role ideas don’t complement one another
Since you’re the breadwinner, you, naturally, assume he will take on more of a domestic role once you tie the knot and become parents. He, on the other hand, doesn’t see his income as a reflection of his role as a man. He still expects to lead — and have a hot meal waiting for him when he gets home most nights. While you may think you can do it all in the beginning, eventually you’ll resent having to hold every piece of your lives together if you don’t come to a compromise before thinking about marrying.
“We’ll figure it out” is your relationship mantra
While it’s noble you believe you can figure any relationship issue out, it’s also incredibly naive to not discuss important things like your finances, where you want to live, how you envision the roles of husband and wife, whether you want to have children, etc. The answers to those questions could completely dissolve your relationship, let alone ruin a marriage should you go into it blindly.
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