It was a heated discussion that had me shook.
My godfather, a man in his late 40s with a six-figure salary, recently kicked his mid-30s girlfriend to the curb and yelled “good riddance” when she asked him for an iPhone. If you ask me, I thought my godfather was justified in dumping her – who the hell did she think she was asking him for something that cost an arm and a leg?
“Tell her to get her own damn iPhone!” I said while giving my godfather a high five.
My father, on the other hand, didn’t jump on our bandwagon. He said, “You are one cheap fool! What’s an iPhone to you? You can afford it!”
And that night, I fought tooth and nail to defend my godfather. For the record, my godfather is cheap. He won’t give you a damn thing for your birthday but would scowl if you arrived empty-handed for any of his gatherings. He’d whip out some Tupperware to pack up all your food at parties, but wouldn’t spare a dime to get you take-out if you were hungry.
Yes, he’s cheap AF. But that doesn’t mean he should allow some gold digging heifer to take advantage of him, right? I’m #teamgodfather.
The next day, I was having dinner with my sorority sisters. It was eight of us having a little get together at a Black-owned restaurant called Chocolat in Harlem. I couldn’t help but bring up iPhonegate and all hell broke loose.
No one agreed with me.
I didn’t care, though. In my eyes, I was right and they were wrong – you shouldn’t be asking anyone for an iPhone. If you want it, you buy it yourself. Period. (If you’ve read my previous piece, you can see I don’t take kindly to people asking for expensive things!)
But then, suddenly, someone knocked me off my “I’m right” pedestal. My most vehement opponent, let’s call her Amy, had me speechless:
“How come when men demand sex, no one bats an eye? No one insults them, no one calls them names, no one drags their name through the mud. But when women ask for resources, we’re gold diggers and prostitutes?”
“Yes, but-”
“Let me finish,” Amy said. “We both have very specific needs, don’t we? Down to biology, males want to spread their seed and females want resources. So how the f*** is it fair that when we ask for our needs, it’s a big problem and we’re called every bad name in the book, but when they ask for sex, I don’t hear anybody calling them derogatory names?”
Hmm. That got me thinking real long and hard about my stance on the matter. I knew what she meant. Giving it up for free is somewhat – though not by much – more accepted than laying down on your back in exchange for “stuff” because the latter makes you a “prostitute” and therefore discourages women from requesting something of value in return.
“When I do decide to sleep with a guy, in society’s eyes, my value goes down. My ‘mileage’ goes down, I’m a ‘thot,’ I’m ‘used goods,’ whatever, right? So yes, I should absolutely be compensated for that loss with what women need – resources! So why the hell can’t she ask for a damn iPhone for all the work she’s been putting forth in meeting his needs sexually?”
Well sh**. I ain’t thought of it like that.
“Men want sex and women want resources. What’s wrong with having a fair exchange?” she added.
Wow. I had to admit that she made some valid points. Whether we like it or not, from the lens of our effed up society, Amy is right about sex “depreciating” a woman’s so-called “stock” – you’ll see sexually liberated women constantly having to defend their worth as we spit on their quest for respect.
So as a woman gives and gives to a man, is it so wrong to ask for something in return?
Now I’m still not going to go around asking men for iPhones – it goes against my principles of never being materially dependent on anyone, especially a guy. In my eyes, relying on someone to provide for you creates an ugly dynamic in which the woman is “indebted” to the man (but that’s another essay for another day).
But I do see a new perspective for why the woman may have asked my godfather for an iPhone – maybe she felt the “give and take” in the relationship was unbalanced whereby she was giving so much of herself sexually, but he was offering nothing materially.
Or maybe she’s just a gold digging heifer.
What do you guys think?
Kimberly Gedeon, founder of The Melody of Melanin, is a content creator with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online about everything from beauty and business to politics and pop culture. You say hello to her on Instagram or Twitter – she doesn’t bite!
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