For the past week or so, Mo’Nique and a portion of her stand up routine, where she said that Tyler Perry, Lee Daniels and Oprah Winfrey had blackballed her from the industry, have been the talk of the town. The clip was even more memorable because Mo’Nique took the stage and told Tyler Perry to “suck her d*ck” if she had one.
I took the whole thing with a grain of salt. For several reasons. One, Mo’Nique has been expressing those grievances for some time now. And more importantly, while she is clearly hurt by the whole thing in real life, this was a comedy show. While there is a layer of truth, comics use hyperbole, exaggeration and straight fiction to express their feelings, tell a funny story and hopefully make people laugh. Therefore, it’s difficult, as an audience member, to decipher what’s true, what’s not and what’s being said just to get a laugh.
In reality though, the reason this clip has gone viral is because of the language Mo’Nique used. People aren’t used to hearing women, comedians or otherwise, say “suck my d*ck.” And they’re certainly not used to hearing those words directed to people held in such high esteem in the community, Oprah Winfrey specifically.
But, as Brande reminded me, in our discussion of this topic, Mo’Nique and Oprah already have some less than rosy history. After all, it was Oprah who brought Mo’Nique’s brother Gerald, the same brother who molested her, and Mo’Nique’s parents on her nationally televised talk show. While Mo’Nique said that she knew of her brother’s appearance and warned Oprah that it was on some “scamming sh*t,” she never knew her parents would be in attendance.
In a recent podcast, Mo’Nique says that Oprah played a “crucial part in the dismemberment of my family.”Mo’Nique said that she eventually confronted Oprah about bringing her family onto her show. And Oprah said, “If I did something to offend you, I’m sorry.” Interestingly enough, according to Mo’Nique’s interview with Barbara Walters, it’s strikingly similar to the apology Mo’Nique’s brother Gerald offered for molesting her. “If you think I did something wrong, then I’m sorry.” If Oprah had exposed me to this type of trauma, allowing my assaulter to tell my story, inviting my family to discuss my pain without me, and then never fully acknowledging your role in it, for the world to see, I wouldn’t hold her in the high regard most people do either.
Perhaps Adrienne Bailon was in the Oprah Winfrey realm of it all when she began discussing Mo’Nique’s comments on “The Real.”
“Now, I have an issue with people thinking that every time someone is loud or boisterous or saying something negative, that that’s them keeping it real. Why does it always have to be that, just because you’re all over the place being loud and making a lot of noise, that that’s the truth and that’s real? Why can’t keeping it real be classy? Why can’t keeping it real be, ‘let me hold my peace and let me move on?’ Why can’t keeping it real be, ‘you know what – they may have done that but I’m going to respect that and move forward.’ Why can’t that be keeping it real?”
Chile.
I can understand where Adrienne is coming from. I don’t agree that this was likely the best way for Mo’Nique to go about airing her grievances. Hell, I didn’t even want to report the story initially because I felt like we’ve been talking about it for a full calendar year now. She and Lee have a problem. She hasn’t been scared to address it. At this point, she’s essentially talking to and for herself.
But I’m certainly not here for someone telling her that she should hold her peace and move on quietly. There are already too many women, Black, Brown and otherwise, both in and outside of Hollywood, who have suffered either in silence or senselessly because they felt it was “inappropriate to use their voice.” And we can’t advocate for women using their voices and then the next minute shame them for the way they decided to speak.
It’s clear that Adrienne didn’t understand the full ramifications of her words. As a lighter skinned Latina, who likely doesn’t have a firm grasp on issues Black women face, specifically darker skinned Black women, she might not have been aware of the stereotypes associated with us. The fact that darker skinned sisters are consistently dismissed as loud, boisterous and lacking tact is a problem and it was a problem for to characterize material from her comedy show as such.
And I know there are people who will feel a way because I made this a race thing, but it absolutely plays a factor. Because White women, who’ve said far worse, don’t become topics of week-long conversation like Mo’Nique did. And for Adrienne Bailon to have spent so much time around Black folk, I’m a little disappointed that she didn’t see that her words could have worked to perpetuate a stereotype, against another woman of color.
Like Loni Love said during the discussion people were so taken aback by this clip because they’re not used to female comics using this type of language. While no one would bat an eyelash or think twice about a Black male comic telling anyone to “suck their d*ck” from the mouth of woman, it’s perceived differently. And therein lies the problem, we’re not used to women being raw and candid about their emotions and when they are, it’s other women who participate in telling them to be quiet.
And when Mo’Nique heard of Adrienne’s comments, she wasn’t quiet about them either.
@theGrio @AdrienneBailon My loves. This BABY gets a pass. She is to young to even begin to understand. However @AdrienneBailon if you would like to discuss we open.
— Mo’Nique Worldwide (@moworldwide) May 24, 2017
@theGrio @AdrienneBailon @AdrienneBailon we await your reply sister. This is Mo’Nique. I hope I’m not being to loud for you. Lol.
— Mo’Nique Worldwide (@moworldwide) May 24, 2017
@theGrio @AdrienneBailon @AdrienneBailon by the way I am fighting for young sisters like you who haven’t won an Academy Award.
— Mo’Nique Worldwide (@moworldwide) May 24, 2017
@theGrio @AdrienneBailon @AdrienneBailon if u really want 2tell us something, my husband and I would b more than happy to come on the show, you can tell us directly.
— Mo’Nique Worldwide (@moworldwide) May 24, 2017
Well, there you have it. The producers at “The Real” need to scurry and book her for the show. I would love to see this discussion take place in person.
Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.
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