January 30, 2016 started off as a normal Saturday. My husband, our 10-month-old daughter and I were getting dressed before attending a children’s birthday party. During our preparation, I decided to take a pregnancy test. This action wasn’t completely random as my husband had a slight suspicion that I was with child; I completely disagreed, which led to me taking the test, surreptitiously.
“No, no, no….nope” were the only words that I could utter when the second line appeared within only 20 seconds. As the goosebumps and butterflies in my stomach started to brew, I panicked. Pacing back and forth in the bathroom, I called one of my best friends. I had to tell someone this shocking news and needed to be calmed down. She didn’t pick up, so I proceeded to call another best friend. That day would be the only time in the history of our friendships that both friends were so busy that they couldn’t answer their phones to receive some piping hot tea. So I kept the news to myself.
I held on to this secret even as we attended the birthday party, but my feelings of panic started to subside. When we finally returned home, I promptly left, alone, in an effort to track down a shirt that read “future sister” or something comparable. After all, I had to tell my husband about the pregnancy in a “cute” way, as I did with my first pregnancy.
Leaving the house by myself was a good time for reflection. All I kept thinking was how we wanted to “try again” in a year and the countless amount of things that I wanted to accomplish before having another baby. I was ready to pursue my passions once again. I assumed that having another little one, at that time, would impede upon my career plans for the next couple of years.
While out of the house on my quest for that shirt, I eventually got in touch with a good friend. She gave sound advice and encouragement to help. First, she reminded me that “while this pregnancy was unplanned, the baby won’t arrive tomorrow.” What she meant by that is that I still had time to work toward my goals before the baby’s arrival and make plans to continue afterward. Secondly, she reminded me that God’s plans are bigger and better than my own. I appreciated her phrasing it in that way as it offered the perspective that our original timeline for our growing family might not have been in our best interest after all.
Even though it was nice to reflect and talk to a friend about my feelings, I can admit that I didn’t magically become overjoyed at the thought of another baby entering our world sooner rather than later. Once I told my husband (via our toddler wearing the “best sister” shirt), he was shocked, but not as distraught as I had been earlier in the day. His demeanor and words assured me that things would be okay.
And although it took me a while to accept my pregnancy, I came around and eventually became very protective. I prayed for our baby and breathed a sigh of relief during my eight and 12-week sonograms at the sight and sound of a heartbeat.
Often times, when mothers complain or offer transparency about the not so great side of parenting, they receive a barrage of insults as if they should maintain a smile and just be grateful at all times. However, I feel that it is very important, especially while pregnant, to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings at the time that they occur so that they won’t be suppressed. That way you can truly be happy and healthy during such an important time.
It’s true that, “When you make a plan, God laughs.” And when I look at my 7-month-old daughter, I know and appreciate her presence in our lives. I’m reminded that it was and has been the most perfect timing.
Image via Bigstock
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